Add to your faith: Self-control

Have you ever been disillusioned with your faith? Perhaps, you became a Christian, but when you didn't become perfect you were disheartened, because you really thought there would be a sudden change without having to practice a daily discipline; or maybe you have been a Christian for a long time and you still can't help but eat the entire bag of chips (wait is that just me ;) or find yourself unable to stop yourself from following your impulses in some way...For all of us, it is time to study how to add self-control to our faith.

In our recent study we have been looking at 2 Peter chapter 1, and the admonition to supplement, or add to, our faith. In review, we first must supplement our faith with goodness and then to goodness add Knowledge. Today, we are looking at adding to knowledge, self-control. If you have not read those two blogs on this topic then click on those underlined links.

2 Peter 1:6 says "and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness;"

What is self-control?

Merriam-Webster has a great entry to help us wrap our minds around self-control.

1. Definition: the power to control one's actions, impulses, or emotions

2. Synonyms continence, restraint, self-command, self-containment, self-control, self-discipline, self-government, self-mastery, self-possession, self-restraint, willpower

3. Related Words self-abnegation, self-denial, self-deprivation; moderateness, moderation, temperance, temperateness; determination, nerve; command, control, discipline, mastery; abnegation, abstention, avoidance, eschewal, forbearance; abstinence, soberness, sobriety; aplomb, assurance, composure, confidence, coolness, equanimity, poise, self-confidence; discretion

4. Antonyms gratification, indulgence, selfindulgence; excessiveness, immoderacy, intemperance, intemperateness, overindulgence; demerit, failing, fault, feebleness, foible, frailty, shortcoming, vice, weakness; indiscipline, unconstraint, unreserve, unreservedness, unrestraint

With that in mind, let’s start with the verse study on self-control (temperate) . (click here for reference)

First of all having self-control is a fruit of the Spirit that is not produced by our own will power. "But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law." Galatians 5:22-23 and in Galatians 3:3 "Are you so foolish? Having begun by the Spirit, are you now being perfected by the flesh?"

Second, self-control is something that is a calling for all Christians.

"...but (be) hospitable, loving what is good, sensible, just, devout, self-controlled..." Titus 1:8

2 Older men are to be sober-minded, dignified, self-controlled, sound in faith, in love, and in steadfastness. 3 Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, 4 and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, 5 to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled. 6 Likewise, urge the younger men to be self-controlled.

Third, is a necessary characteristic of a minister. " An overseer, then, must be above reproach, the husband of one wife, temperate, prudent, respectable, hospitable, able to teach..

1 Timothy 3:2

Now, after looking at these passages we see the way the word is often used in Scripture as a character quality and lifestyle that is a part of being a Christian, we understand the meaning is to be able to control your actions, impulses and emotions. In Acts, we see that in Paul's explanation of the gospel to Felix, he talked about righteousness and self-control as a part of explaining the gospel to him. "But as he was discussing righteousness, self-control and the judgment to come, Felix became frightened and said, "Go away for the present, and when I find time I will summon you."Acts 24:25

So self-control is an aspect of the Christian condition which we are called to, but many people seem to think that maturing in the faith is optional or that they are just not that kind of 'serious' Christian. I have found a lot of confused teaching on this subject and see Christians, including myself, struggling with knowing how to have self-control in all areas of our lives.

For some people it is impulse control for harmful and addictive things like alcohol, cigarettes drugs, etc., or other's struggle with self-control in their thought life or other sinful behaviors, while food addictions, and gaming addictions have taken other's into a life of frustration and despair. Maybe you are an impulse buyer creating a financial crisis in your life or can't control your emotional feelings like anger, love, lust, jealousy etc...

The point is, in some way you find yourself unable to control what you do, think or feel and the impulses may be sinful in origin, or may be a lack of control of things that when under control are not sinful...but the point is we cannot be out of control in any area of our life.

Now some people try to teach religion by making a list of the things that many people have trouble controlling and make it wrong to do those things. That is a legalistic band-aide that makes the person look moral on the outside by outlawing actions, but the real problem is the lack of self-control.

For example some religious groups say debt is a sin, so therefore a Christian should never have a credit card. Is a credit card debt? No, but some debt does happen because of uncontrolled spending with credit cards. So which is better, to make credit cards sinful or to teach the Christian how to have self-control when using a credit card? A better teaching would be Paul's advice in 1 Corinthians 6:12"Everything is permissible for me," but not everything is beneficial. "Everything is permissible for me," but I will not be mastered by anything. What is mastering you? Jesus said he came to bring us freedom, yet a lack of self-control leaves Christians in bondage to their impulses while being taught to just remove things from their lives rather than learning how to have self-control.

Now this is something that we add to our faith, after goodness. Why, because there are some things that are wrong. Not everything in moderation is acceptable. There are clear moral guidelines that always must be embraced. Doing what is right in the Eyes of the Lord, living a life of goodness is the first thing we work on, Jesus said he did not come to destroy the law but to fulfill it. However, there are many things that are not against the law, that might be keeping you in bondage due to lack of self-control.

The first step in the Christian life is seeing God convict of sin and surrendering those things to God, as we confess our sins and begin to fall in love with Jesus and build that relationship of knowing him, then we will also begin to see things in our lives that are permissible morally, but are not good for us individually. So, the question today is what self-control issues do you have? When you think about impulse control, you may realize some self-control issues are actually sinful things that you need to confess, but other things may have escaped your awareness because they are not inherently sinful, yet you have no control of in your life. This is the kind of bondage I am talking about today.

I have heard teaching on self-control that teaches you must just discipline yourself, and you will have self-control, but remember, it is a fruit of the Spirit not only of your will. This might come from a misunderstanding from when Paul's said in 1 Corinthians, …26 Therefore I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight like I am beating the air. 27 No, I discipline my body and make it my slave, so that after I have preached to others, I myself will not be disqualified. ( 1 Corinthians 9:27) However, we see from Paul in Colossians that Self-abasement and severe treatment of the body has no value to create godly self-control. "These are matters which have, to be sure, the appearance of wisdom in self-made religion and self-abasement and severe treatment of the body, but are of no value against fleshly indulgence." (Colossians 2:23 )

So, how do we add self-control to our lives that isn't this appearance of religion that has no value against indulgence, but actually a Spirit driven, self-control that frees us from bondage?

As with most things in life, there are practical steps you can make toward self-control which we can learn from psychology, but the difference between a Christian's efforts to add self-control to their life and a non-Christian is that the Holy Spirit is empowering us to make change that is deeper than our psychological make up and effecting our spiritual lives.

Savvy Psychologist has an interesting post about self-control that I will refer to. I am not endorsing their website as I know nothing other than this article, but I like their points, so will refer to them today. They define self-control as, "the ability to resist temptation in the moment." If you refer to their website you will see several steps in helping build your self-control. I am using and modifying those for the following list. *

1. Know that you can increase your self-control. You are not defeated! Just because you have not had self-control yet, does not mean you never will because it is by the power of the Holy Spirit. (I can do all things through Christ. Philippians 4:13)

2. Define what you are trying to control. As I said in the beginning of this lesson, you need to prayerfully evaluate your life and see what areas you do not have control over. Ask God to show you where you are lacking self-control. Pay attention to your daily life and see what actions, impulses and emotions you should question.

3. Don't rely on brute force. (this psychology article says that we cannot force yourself into self-control, because there is limited amount, so make choices on what to control. I would say this is one of the big advantages of the Holy Spirit empowered Self-control. We do not have to rely alone on our own will power to not be depleted because we are filled with the Holy Spirit and able to do everything that God calls us to. So, another reason this is the third thing on the list of adding to our faith, is the relationship with Jesus, our love for Him, and His power in our life is the force we can rely on to have growing self-control.

4. Reduce the attractiveness of your temptation. I love this one. As we have been practicing a lifestyle of goodness, seeing things from God's perspective, our minds are saturated with His Word and our knowledge of Jesus is a personal relationship that is growing daily, we then can begin to see the false attractiveness of the temptations in our lives. Ask yourself, is hurting your body with substance or food going to make you happier and healthier in the long run, or is this only a short term pleasure that is going to have long term pain attached? Is going on that spending spree actually going to give you joy or lasting relaxation, or is it going to increase your debt and your stress in life? Is binge watching that TV show or reading that book until 3 or 4 in the morning going to compensate for the wasted day tomorrow? When we look at whatever impulse we think we cannot control and evaluate the attractiveness, we might be able to see the way we are choosing to short-change our life with choosing temporary pleasure that is a lie hiding long term pain.

5. Increase the attractiveness of your goal. Do you want to become a mature Christian? Do you truly want to love Jesus and know Him more everyday? Then when we see God's goal for us to be self-controlled and our goal is to know Him and Love Him, then loving God becomes more and more attractive and whatever impulse we haven't controlled in the past becomes less and less delightful. You might say, but __________is not a sin, it doesn't matter if I control it or not, but that is the point, the lack of control is the sin not the thing in question.

6. Modify your environment. You may be so deeply in bondage to something that you are going to have to take extreme measure to make that temptation not be in front of you all the time. Now as I said earlier, just calling something evil that is not evil and making a new law for yourself in the name of godliness to keep yourself from doing it, is legalism and is itself a bondage and comes with a curse. God said not to call evil good and good evil and also we cannot add to His Word without a curse so don't take that route. But, removing extra temptation from your life is wise. Solomon said in Proverbs he would not set anything evil before his eyes. If you have impulse control issues with something you are watching, or when you go to certain places, then take steps to not have access to those things or to go to those places. If someone in your life is the trap door to loosing emotional self-control then you need to put some distance and boundaries around that person's influence in your life. Whatever God points out in your life, be careful and wise to not set pitfalls in your pathway that you know will be a doorway for sin or to loose self-control. As your self-control grows, then you can see if you have control in those areas of your life, but that should be prayerful and carefully done with accountability in place.

So that said, God has made a way for us to be people who are self-controlled. This is the life God has called us to. His plan is to be a person who has faith and saved from Hell, but so much more than that. He wants you to live a life of goodness, with a relationship knowing Jesus personally and living a life of self-control, rather than indulgence, and to that self-control the next step is to add perseverance, which will be our next lesson.

If you want to talk about what you have learned today, ask questions or share a prayer request head over to the conversation cafe, or send me a chat message directly.

God Bless

*if you have issues with drugs or other substance abuse please see a doctor and professional counselor immediately, this blog is not meant to take the place of professional counseling or medical advice.